It’s not rocket science, it’s chili

You’re not sending man to the moon, ok? You’re making chili. Not the watery, tomato-sodden crap that often passes for chili in some locales, nor the bean-filled slop that causes gas and distresses your colon. It’s chili: that means that the primary flavor is, guess what? chili!

Go to the store and get some steak. It doesn’t have to be great steak, because you’re going to cook the heck out of it, but you should have about 2 pounds’ worth of beef once you’ve trimmed away the bones and the excess fat. No, don’t trim away all the fat, silly; that’s where God put the flavor, and you’ll want some of that later on. Get out your Wusthof™ Classic Hollow-Ground Santoku knife and trim it into bite-sized chunks, about 1/2″ to 1″ in size.

Put a big, gleaming Le Creuset™ dutch oven on the stove and get it searing hot. Toss in some olive oil and sauté the steak for about five minutes, turning it frequently to prevent burning. While it’s cooking, chop up an onion and 3-4 cloves or garlic. Toss those in along with some powdered cumin (about a tablespoon) and chili powder. Start off with about 3-4 tablespoons and add more if it ain’t spicy enough. If you add too much, just take some out. Ha ha, you can’t, so you’ll have to go get some more steak or, better yet, don’t add too much in the first place. Like it to really have a kick? Add a teaspoon of ground cayenne pepper (or more to taste).

Smell that? It’s the chili making love to the beef and creating all sorts of wonderful little nuggets of goodness.

There should be enough fat from the steak to keep it moist; if not, add a bit of water. You don’t want it watery, but a thick, velvety texture. Cover it with the heavy, cast-iron lid of your Le Creuset™ dutch oven and turn the heat down to “simmer” and leave it alone for at least 30 minutes. Check on it to make sure the liquid hasn’t evaporated; if so, add a teensy bit more. You can leave it on the stove all day if you like; just don’t let it scorch.

About 10 minutes before you serve it, mix 3 tablespoons of masa harena (masa flour) with enough water to make a thick paste, then stir that into the chili; it will create a lovely, smooth texture to the liquid part of the chili. Let it cook for 5-10 minutes before serving, or it will taste like raw flour, and that’s not a good thing.

Serve by itself, over rice, or over Fritos™ brand corn chips (this is called a Frito pie). If you’re into that sort of thing, top with grated cheddar cheese, chopped onions, or sour cream.

If you like, serve with beans on the side. Don’t fucking ruin the chili by putting the beans into it. Chili is a duet between the chilis and the beef; threesomes are uncomfortable and gaseous.

Serves two. Sometimes more if you’re weenies.

Inspired by this discussion over at FriendFeed.